Good Things About 2009 #1 - Friends

I was considering writing a blog about why I am glad that 2009 is over, but I decided to take the high road and write things each day about why it was a great year. So, withour further ado . . . .

Good Things About 2009 #1 - Friends

I have such a fantastic group of friends. I mean it, I frequently think my girlfriends and I don't realize just how lucky we are to have each other. I have what I consider to be a relatively large group of very close girlfriends. These friendships have sustained years of growing up, marriage, divorce, babies, deaths, job losses, moves across the country, sickness, heartbreak and some tough situations; yet we all seem to come back to each other. I think that each one of us has "another" circle of friends but at the end of the day, when the chips are down or I have wonderful news to share, I want Christine, Sarah, Anne, Kim, Summer or Shelley. They are all so unique and yet I love them all the same. This was a "growing" year for me and I learned so much about myself and I really feel like my friends were so supportive and patient with me. I couldn't have made it without them and all of their prayers, phone calls, emails, texts and love. I am so grateful for them and feel amazed and blessed that God has given us such an amazing gift. We are all doing a Girls Weekend this February and I can't wait!

I also am grateful for my Small Group girls, Lyndsay, Jen and Megan. I guess we are technically no longer in a Small Group together but I will probably always consider them to be that. I did not know any of them until we started meeting and now I can't imagine life without them. I miss them sooooo much since we do not meet regularly. There is a safety and accountability with them that fills a distinct need in my life. They are all intelligent, witty and attentive girls. Again, I can not believe God blessed me with them. Hungry Howies Forever!

Europe 2010

Next year Christine and I will be heading to Europe for 5 days in Paris, 3 days at Disneyland Paris and then we fly to Milan to meet up with the group from http://www.themeparkreview.com. We will go up through Germany and end the trip in Amsterdam. We went with this same group through the South last summer and had a blast. I am so excited and really hope to blog about this trip either while we are there or after. This week we secured an apartment in Paris! It is cheaper to rent an apartment than to stay in a hotel, plus we will have a mini-kitchen and the experience of living more like a true Parisian. The cost was only 120 dollars per night, which is pretty good. We have to walk up a million stairs to the front door and there is no elevator (our room is on the 4th floor) but hopefully we will be in great shape by then!

Here is the link to our place: http://www.vacationinparis.com/images/100_bed.jpg



It got some great reviews on TripAdvisor, whom I consult before booking any hotel. We will be staying in the 5th Arrondissement on the Left Bank. This is where the famed Latin Quarter is, it is the oldest neighborhood in Paris and where most political uprisings have begun. I am so excited!

Pregnant Pictures

I just don't "get" taking all these professional pictures when you are pregnant. Maybe I will feel different when I am pregnant, but I just think it is weird. Especially when the women are half naked with "sexy" poses and faces. I mean, pregnany is beautiful, but what are you going to do with those pictures? Hang them up on the wall?

Modern Family

Please tell me you are watching this show! It is awesome and so funny, yet touching at the same time. It is on Wednesday nights at 9 on ABC.

Something Positive

I love the New Moon soundtrack and I can't wait for the movie to come out!

Reading Blogs

Sometimes I just get more irritated with people when I read their blogs which is why I haven't been writing my own blog. I am writing today though and who knows, maybe you will end up irritated with me? I don't think anyone hardly reads this so I will probably be ok. People make grand sweeping statements that God is calling them to do something one month and then months later they blog about how God is calling them to do the complete opposite. They do this over and over. Or sometimes they blog that they hate Obama and his socialist programs and profess a belief in the importance of small government; then they talk about how they are on unemployment or there kid is getting support from some government program. They liken Obama to Hitler and then profess Christ in their next sentence. They talk poorly about the former church they attended or worked at(which everyone knows is CCV) yet stayed working at for months, even years, before finally leaving. What does it say about your character if you and your family profited from a church that you so disagreed with their values? Or some people say negative things about megachurches. i have always gone to a big church and I love it. I feel close to Christ and enjoy community and fellowship with a lot of people. Sometimes people say terrible things about California or living in California. What is so bad about California? Just because you can't afford to live here doesn't make it a bad place. Some people blog that they are poor yet have a maid. What the heck?

That's all. Next time I will blog something positive.

Michael Jackson

I am so over people being negative about Michael Jackson's funeral. So the city spent a bunch of money on it, so what? For a brief amount of time millions of people across the world were joined in celebrating an amazing artist. Our state/city wastes so much money on other stuff that I really care nothing about so might as well spend money on something important. I just read that it was $49,000 to pay for policeman lunches. Hey policemen, I don't get free food at my job, how come you do? I loved how many of the people complaining on Facebook were:

1. State workers that I know spend a ton of wasted time or use time to gouge the government for money.

2. I was going to say something mean here but won't because it may be too obvious who it is about.

3. People who are pastor's of churches that spend thousands of dollars on lighting, videos, etc. Talk about waste.

4. People that are mad that Michael Jackson is more popular than Jesus. I have an idea, rather than spewing hatred on Facebook, how about showing a positive message of love. I think Jesus would be trying to use this situation to show His love and as a time to discuss Eternity with people.

Sorry I am just sick of this. I feel like so many of my "Christian" friends on Facebook are embarassing to me. I feel like they send the wrong message about who we are.

I Don't Care!!!!!!!!1

Have you ever noticed how people think they are so cool just because they like some random, unheard of band? I have and it irritates the crap out of me. Who cares if you worship Shitake Mushroom Sauce* or have been to every show that Chinese Firedrill* has ever done??? NOBODY! These same people also get irritated when their band goes mainstream. Why? Shouldn't they be happy that the band is getting their music out to more people? This also normally means that they will also be able to sustain their music-making even longer. Uggghhh. It just bugs me. I like bands like Incubus and singers like Justin Timberlake and I will like them regardless if one or one billion people like them!

*Band names have been changed to ones I made up.

Let's get out of Iraq! These poor guys!

The below story made me so sad, not only for the 5 shot but also for the one doing the shooting.

BAGHDAD – An American soldier opened fire at a counseling center on a military base Monday, killing five fellow soldiers before being taken into custody, the U.S. command and Pentagon officials said.

Although it was unclear what prompted the shooting, the incident draws attention to the issue of combat stress and morale after six years of war as the mission of the 130,000-strong force transforms to one of training and mentoring the Iraqis.

Attacks on fellow soldiers, known as fraggings, were not uncommon during the Vietnam war but are believed to be rare in Iraq and Afghanistan.

President Barack Obama said in a statement that he was "shocked and deeply saddened" by the report, adding that "my heart goes out to the families and friends" of all those involved "in this horrible tragedy."

After a meeting with Defense Secretary Robert Gates, Obama said he would make sure "that we fully understand what led to this tragedy" and will do everything possible "to ensure that our men and women in uniform are protected as they serve our country so capably and courageously in harm's way."

A brief U.S. military statement said the assailant was taken into custody following the 2 p.m. shooting at Camp Liberty, a sprawling U.S. base on the western edge of Baghdad near the city's international airport. Obama visited an adjacent base last month.

The statement said nobody else was hurt, but a senior defense official in Washington said three people were wounded. The names of the victims and shooter were not released.

Pentagon officials said the shooting happened at a stress clinic, where troops can go for help with the stresses of combat or personal issues. It was unclear whether the gunman and his victims were workers at the clinic or were there for counseling. Soldiers routinely carry weapons on Camp Liberty and other bases, but they are supposed to be unloaded.

At the Pentagon, Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said the shooting occurred "in a place where individuals were seeking help."

"It does speak to me about the need for us to redouble our efforts in terms of dealing with the stress," Mullen said.

The U.S. military is coping with a growing number of stress cases among soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan — many of whom are on their third or fourth combat tours. Some studies suggest that about 15 percent of soldiers returning from Iraq suffer from some sort of emotional problems.

With violence declining, many soldiers face new challenges trying to shift from fighting a war to supporting the Iraqis — tasks that often require skills in which they have not been trained.

Adding to the stress, there have been several incidents recently when men dressed as Iraqi soldiers have opened fire on American troops, including an attack in the northern city of Mosul on May 2 when two soldiers and the gunman were killed.

Rep. Harry Mitchell, a member of the House Veterans' Affairs Committee, said the Camp Liberty shooting underscores the "critical need" to reach out to soldiers suffering from "the effects of combat stress and post-traumatic stress disorder."

"Many troops are under great psychological strain and are not receiving the treatment they need," said Paul Rieckhoff, founder and head of Iraq & Afghanistan Veterans of America. "Much more must be done to address troops' psychological injuries before they reach a crisis point."

The death toll from the shooting at the counseling center was the highest for U.S. personnel in a single attack since April 10, when a suicide truck driver killed five American soldiers with a blast near a police headquarters in Mosul.

"Any time we lose one of our own, it affects us all," U.S. spokesman Col. John Robinson said. "Our hearts go out to the families and friends of all the service members involved in this terrible tragedy."

There have been several previous fragging incidents in the Iraq war.

• Last September, Sgt. Joseph Bozicevich, 39, of Minneapolis was detained after allegedly killing two members of his unit south of Baghdad. The case remains under investigation.

• In April 2005, Army Sgt. Hasan Akbar was sentenced to death for killing two officers in Kuwait just before the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in 2003.

• In June 2005, an Army captain and lieutenant were killed when an anti-personnel mine detonated in the window of their room at the U.S. base in Tikrit. National Guard Staff Sgt. Alberto Martinez was acquitted in the blast.

• Spc. Chris Rolan, an Army medic, was sentenced to 33 years in prison in 2007 for killing a fellow soldier after a night of heavy drinking in Iraq.

• In 2008, Army Cpl. Timothy Ayers was sentenced to two years and four months in prison after pleading guilty to involuntary manslaughter in the fatal 2007 shooting of his platoon sergeant in Iraq.

In other violence, the military announced Monday that a U.S. soldier was killed a day earlier when a roadside bomb exploded near his vehicle in Basra province of southern Baghdad.

In the northern city of Kirkuk, a car bombing killed two people Monday, including a 10-year-old boy, and wounded 10 others, police Brig. Gen. Sarhat Qadir said.

In Baghdad, a senior Iraqi traffic officer was assassinated on his way to work. It was the second attack on a high-ranking traffic police officer in the capital in as many days.

___

Associated Press Writers Pauline Jelinek in Washington and Ross Bynum in Savannah, Ga., contributed to this report.

Economy

I know that I haven't posted in a while and this will be short.

I am so over this economy. My dad will find out this week if he even has a job. It seems like people everywhere are losing their jobs and the overall prognosis for our country is very bleak. I AM OVER IT! When will it stop? I seriously felt like screaming or ovmiting today I was just so over it!

25 Random Things About Me

Here it is, the famous list, I will post on Facebook later!

1. I had a wonderful childhood, I lived in a quintessential suburban neighborhood where all the kids played together and the families all knew each other. I got to do so many wonderful things. I also have wonderful parents and this certainly helped. This all continued right into adulthood!
2. I once had a homeless man sleeping in my car. I had purposely left it open because I hated driving it. A week later, I got my own car.
3. I really love playing sports and wish I had more opportunities as an adult.
4. I love reading and I normally am reading at least 3 books at any given time.
5. My name is Melissa Howard and I am a theme-park addict. I absolutely love Disneyland and I am not afraid to admit it! I also love Walt Disney World and would be happy returning there every year. Some people I know are doing a Disney-Round-the-World trip in 2010 and I really want to go. It will be 3-4 weeks and go to Disneyland, Disney World, Disneyland Paris, Hong Kong Disney and Tokyo Disneyland!
6. I have been to Calcutta, India and Caracas, Venezuela; both on mission trips. I really hope to return to India some day but I would rather go to Antarctica than Venezuela ever again.
7. I am pretty active on message boards and forums. I love meeting new and different types of people from all around the world.
8. I am optimistic and always know that deep down God is in control.
9. I like being a leader and being the one in charge.
10. I love planning things – vacations, parties, dinners, you name it!
11. I am deathly afraid of snakes, sometimes I can’t even watch them on TV.
12. I am a firm believer in western medicine and taking pills.
13. I get bored easily, luckily I have a pretty good imagination to keep my company.
14. I very much look forward to being a wife and mother.
15. I feel so lucky to have a pretty wide circle of friends. I can honestly say there is more than one person I can count as a best friend.
16. I always smell my socks when I take them off. My dad does this too.
17. One of my favorite foods is pickle, weenie and cheese. It is raw Farmer John wieners, cheddar cheese and sweet pickles all cut up and mixed together. YUM!
18. When I was younger I was obsessed with creating haunted houses and carnivals.
19. I have always respected the various women I have worked for.
20. It irritates me when people with far less responsibilities than me complain about how busy they are.
21. I love musicals and singing along with them!
22. I deeply love my church.
23. I have set it up where I should be able to retire when I am in my late 50s.
24. I used to be very conservative, then I got real liberal and now I am heading back to conservative again!
25. I cry with love for America every time I vote.

He's Just Not That Into You - The Movie

Went with a bunch of girls last night and saw this movie, really loved it! Thought it was very realistic, except for the fact that I felt this movie somewhat promoted the exact idea that it tried to prevent because of the "happy ending". Enjoyed it a lot though!

Friend of the Week - Christine Ochoa

So, I realize that I am a little late on the friend of the week for this week, but I have had some pretty rough things to go through! My organization let go of 17 people on Tuesday, 1 of which I was fairly close to and will be deeply missed by all. I feel so lucky to have a job right now, these economical problems are really starting to hit home!

This week’s friend is Christine Ochoa. To say Christine is a friend seems like such an understatement. She is probably the closest thing I have or ever will have to a sister. I met Christine nearly 13 years ago when we worked together at Marie Calendar’s. I was about to move up to server and went in to find out who my trainer was going to be, I was praying that it would not be Christine or this other woman and was bummed to find out it was Christine! However, about 5 minutes into training I knew deep down that we were meant to be besties! We were work friends for the 4 years I worked at Marie’s. I loved working with Christine because I knew we would have fun and have some great conversation. One of the early things I remember about Christine is when I was going to Venezuela and even though she told me she didn’t really support the idea of my mission trip, she supported me and gave me a bunch of necessities for my trip! I just felt like that really marked her character. I also remember the time I kind of set her up on a double date with me and I was appalled that she wouldn’t let the men pay! She has wizened up though and that has changed! ;)

After I finished college, Christine moved in with Lacey and I into our tiny little Grand Terrace apartment. It was from here on out that we really became close friends. Christine started actively attending church with us and became cemented into our friend group. I will never forget those first 6 months we lived together, it was a time when I was completely questioning my faith and Christine was always so supportive and patient with me. It was also during this time that probably the biggest tragedy of my life, my grandmother suddenly having a heart attack and dying in my arms, happened. Christine was there for me the entire time and I was and still am so grateful to her.

Christine and I have been roommates for almost 9 years now! This is probably why she feels more like my family. Speaking of which, Christine is officially an honorary Howard now. She celebrates most major holidays with us and my parents get her gifts and love having her around. When opening Christmas presents I frequently panic when she opens something cute, worried I won’t get it too! No worries though, I normally do! Haha! My mom brags that she will get to watch both our babies while we work; which makes me happy because I know our babies will be like cousins to each other.

Christine has really grown since I first met her. I think I would say she has softened, but still maintained her realistic view of the world and humorous sarcasm. She is freaking hilarious and I enjoy her unique perspective on life. She fiercely loves her friends and will do anything to help them when in a time of need. We all know about her memory, and the love/hate relationship I have with it! I wish she could remember all the good things and forget more bad things! Just kidding, she wouldn’t be who she is without it. Christine now works for the Girl Scouts and I don’t think she realizes how important her job is and how in my opinion it perfectly lines up with her character. She is making a lasting impact on the lives of hundreds of girls! That is amazing!

It is so easy for me to be around her and she is by far my favorite traveling partner. Speaking of which, we have been to Orlando 3 times, New York twice, Vegas and San Diego a few times, Cancun, 2 cruises (one of which was the best vacation I ever took to the Caribbean) and probably some other trips I am forgetting. This summer we are hitting the Deep South and even debating driving up the East Coast! We just seem to work together as traveling buddies and I look forward to a lifetime of doing things with her. In the next few months Christine will be moving out and we will no longer be roommates, sometimes this makes me so sad and I just try not to think about it! I will miss watching random television (The Bachelor, Jon and Kate Plus 8, High School Reunion) with her and our late night conversations. I will miss pretending to eat healthy and every week saying we will start working out next week. I will miss co-hosting our friends for parties, dinners and just hang out times. I will miss playing random songs on iTunes. I will miss debriefing when we get home from things. I will miss not having someone to ask, “Does this look weird?” before going to church or work. I will miss her so much but I know that no matter what we will always be friends and see each other frequently.

Love you Christine!!!!

Friend of the Week - Kim Hamilton

Since Mondays are normally kind of crappy days, I have decided to dedicate each Monday blog to a different friend, hence the name “Friend of the Week”. I have decided to start this with a fellow blogger, Kimberly Marie Dial Hamilton.

Kim and I knew each other off and on throughout high school but really became good friends our senior year at Glendora. God put us in ALL 6 classes together. There was pretty much no way we could not have become close friends after that! We instantly recognized that we were kindred spirits and have never looked back! We have been roommates and our friendship has lasted despite the separation of miles throughout the years (note: SHE always was the one to move away, not me). There are so many nice things I could say about Kim. She is incredibly friendly. That is probably the first thing you notice about her. You want Kim at a party; she will make the rounds and make everyone feel comfortable. She has lived in many places and always manages to quickly make lasting friendships and connections with people. We have an intense connection, one that helped me to figure out she was pregnant before she wanted anyone to know! I love talking to Kim and the longer we go between having those one-on-one talks, the longer I feel that longing in my heart to be with her. Her perspective is always fresh and she has a way of making you consider things that you may not have on your own. Kim is also very hospitable. I have said that I have been welcomed by Kim at her various spots around the country for visits and that has translated to her in her current home. She has created her home to be not only beautiful but a place where you feel welcome and comfortable.

Kim is sincere and genuinely cares about people and what they are doing and feeling. She always remembers things and follows up with you. I have been so lucky as to watch Kim’s relationship with the Lord. I will never forget the night in my room at my parents’ home when Kim and I spent most of the evening discussing Jesus and Christianity. Kim has truly matured into a Godly, Christian woman. Kim is a great wife and Karl is lucky to have her! We are lucky to have Karl too and I am blessed by them as a couple continually.

Last year Kim became a mother. I know she was wondering how she would be as a mother and what the future held for her family. I knew all along that Kim would be a wonderful mother and that has only been verified since the birth of Gavin. Kim is an amazing mother and watching her go through this process and continue to mother Gavin is wonderful. She manages to beautifully balance between family, work and friendship. Gavin makes me so happy and knowing that he is an extension of Kim makes me love him even more! My arms are killing me today because I was playing with Gavin yesterday at church and lifting that adorable little boy up over and over. It was worth it to hear his little screams of delight and happy laughter!

I love you Kim! I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us and I look forward to our continued friendship!

Here is a picture of Kim and I at her wedding!

Men Folk

So, I had a very thought-provoking conversation with some fellow single women recently and I wanted to share some of the aspects of said conversation. I even discussed some of these things with our young adults pastor and he seemed to agree. Among other things, we really feel frustrated at how similar non-Christian men are to Christian men. What's the point of even dating only other Christians if they are going to do all the same things as their supposed opposites. Here are my frustrations:

• They play games, doing things like saying they will call you and not doing it so that you will want them even more when they do call. This is a time-honored tactic honed by men throughout the ages. Damn us for falling for it!
• They have little respect for physical boundaries. They are always trying to push the limits even further. It only gets harder to resist as you get older so there you have that! I know we are both supposed to be responsible for this but I just feel like it always is up to us to take ultimate responsibility for maintaining standards and it just isn't fair! Should Christian men not have more control? NOPE!
• They do not let their yes be yes and their no be no as outlined in the Bible. You don't want to be with me? FINE! Then tell me and act that way. Don't hide behind the veil of friendship, taking advantage of my affections when it suits you and your needs. "Hooking up" and "Friends with benefits" has pervaded the Christian world and it sucks!
• As soon as you try to walk away, they start trying to wheel you back in again. Go away! Don't tell me I am cute! Don't tell me how great I am! Shut it! You didn't want me before and the only reason you want me now is because you can't have me! Shouldn't Christian "men" have enough respect for their sisters in Christ to at least to do these things? Guess what? They DO NOT!
• We aren't going to fall in love with you just because you ask us out on a date. We are sick and tired of always hanging out as friends or in groups. On the flip side, just because we talk to you doesn't mean we are in love with you either!

I hope it doesn't seem like I am man-hating, but let's be honest, I am a little right now!

He's Just Not That Into You

I am super excited for this movie and love some of the quotes, they are so real yet we never seem to believe them! I personally can understand many of these given the events of the past year. Here are some, I have highlighted in pink my favorites:

Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.

He is a man made up entirely of your excuses. And the minute you stop making excuses for him, he will completely disappear from your life.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We (men) like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do.

Don't let the "honeys" and the "babys" fool you. His sweet nothings are exactly that. They are much easier to say than "I'm just not that into you." Remember, actions speak louder than, "There's no cell reception where I am right now."

Calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. And it's cold outside.

He will always be able to play the "friend" card on you. He only has to be responsible for the expectations of a friend, rather than the the far greater expectations of a boyfriend. He's got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefits of a girlfriend, whom he can see or not see whenever he wants to. He may be one of your closest friends, but I'm sorry to say ... as a boyfriend, he's just not that into you.

Beware of the word "friend". It can often be used by men or the women that love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.

I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstarted to me that they're trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.

You can't blame a guy for having feelings. You love someone, you break up, you still have feeling. Thank God for that really. But having feelings don't mean you have to have sex.

Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has "issues" with marriage, will ... rest assured ... someday be married. It just will never be with you.

Everyone wants to be loved and needed, particularly by the person who just broke up with us. I understand. What could be better than hearing from the man who just told you he didn't want you in his life anymore ... his sad, wistful, "I miss you so much" voice on the other end of the phone? It's validating. It's exciting. It's irresistible. But resist you must.

My friends all say I should stop talking to him, but I think he misses me, and I like that. I miss him. I feel if I stay in touch with him, it will remind him of how great I am, and eventually he will realize that we should be together again. A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you.

Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you.

I was seeing a guy for about a month. He broke up with me, saying that he didn't feel like it could be something serious. I understood and took it well. He wanted to know if we could still hang out as friends. I said sure. Now we get together and go out and then come back to his place and have sex, just like we did before. (But now, we're "broken up.") He's really, really cute and I love having sex with him. I also think he must like me if he can't stop being around me. And I think it's kinda cool -- all pressure's off and we're having a great time together. I've decided that I think it's fine and I'm not going to call his attention for the fact that we're actually dating. Except for the fact that we broke up.

This guy is brilliant. He goes out with you, dates you, breaks up with you, then continues to sleep with you, which basically absolves him of all responsibility toward your feelings. After all, you're not going out anymore. It's genius! It's diabolical! He should be writing a book! In fact, I bet this guy could get his own little cult going if he wanted to. And let me guess, you'd be happy to sign up for that as well. For the record, this guy doesn't "like you so much that he can't stop being around you." Because here's what guys don't do if they can't live without you: they don't break up with you. This guy is seriously not into you, it's crazy. The only way you're going to figure out how into you you are ... is how fast you get rid of him.

It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.

Hey girl. Put down the penis, put your clothes back on, and go directly to your best friend's house. Do not find an excuse to stay. Do not think that because of all the crazy hotness of it all, it now means that you're meant to be together. Yes, break up sex does seem like a good idea, because hey, it's nice to have sex with someone you have these dramatic feelings about. It makes it all, well, dramatic. But now you know. It confuses everything and makes you separate sex and emotions. So now you don't ever have to make that mistake again. Got it? He's into the very-bad-idea-that-masquerades-as-a-good-idea, breakup sex. Over and out.

Don't underestimate the power of sex, even with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Especially with someone you've been doing it with for a very long time. Breaking up means not seeing them again, which also implies not seeing them naked again. It might be tempting to forget this pearl of wisdom, but just remember, it's still called breakup sex. No one has yet to rename it oh-my-god-the-sex-was-so-good-we-got-back-together-again-and-lived-happily-ever-after sex.

He's sniffing for something better, and when he doesn't find it, he gets lonely and comes "home." It's not that he's so into you. It's that he's so not into being alone. Don't give him the chance to break up with you for the fourth time. (Even the idea of it sounds beneath you, doesn't it?) Reset your breakup maximum to one and move on.

Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.

Don't confuse being classy with being a doormat. Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with all dignity. Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal.

Breakups, I've heard, are supposed to be just that. Breaks. Hard, clean breaks. No talking, no seeing, no touching ... keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over. Half the people I know move after a huge breakup, and frankly that makes perfect sense to me. You're not supposed to sleep with the guy who just broke your heart a week ago. Fine. Next time I'm in this situation I'll cry. Stay in bed and wail. Go to the gym if I can. Call all my friends and burden them with my misery. Sleep too much. Cry some more. See my therapist more often. Get a puppy. Do whatever I have to so eventually I can move on.

Breakup sex still means you're broken up.

Cut him off. Let him miss you.

He doesn't need to be reminded that you're great.

There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed. The part part is realizing that he was lying to you, in some way, before the moment of vanishing.

Don't give him the chance to reject you again.

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.
Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.

Slumdog Millionaire

Just got back from seeing "Slumdog Millionaire" and it was fantastic! Promise me you wil go see it, what a wonderful and compelling story! I want to try and see all the big movies this year before the Academy Awards. I used to see a lot of different movies but lately I find that I only see romantic comedies or other megahits. I want to change that! I think next Wednesday I am going to try and go see "The Reader".

Good night!

50 and Fabulous

The following is a list of men over the age of 50 that I am oddly attracted to. I am not including the men that everyone finds attractive (Pierce Brosnan, Harrison Ford, Chris Noth, etc.) I have probably forgotten some, but here is the beginning. I am sure you will probably think I am crazy after you read this and analyze this.

• Gary Oldman – I love him as Sirius Black and felt he was the best part of the most recent Batman movie.

• Gabriel Byrne – Have you seen Little Women with Wynona Ryder? That is the movie that made me fall in love with him.

• John Malkovich – He is so weird and odd but in a really good way.





• James Gonlfini - However, I only like him as Tony Soprano.

• Ian Mcshane – He is famous for being on Deadwood. He is just a bad ass and that is why I like him.

My List

Many years ago my youth pastor, Chuck Booher, taught us the importance of having a list of what we wanted in a spouse and even guided us in coming up with some of the foundation for that list. I hadn't really updated my list since college and given some of my recent "dating" experiences I thought I should redo and refocus. So I took the last 6 months or so to really think and pray about what kind of man God had for me. I have shared this with some of you, but it is below. I know it is a lot of stuff, but I really believe God has a man with all of this for me. One of the things I have noticed is how much my list has changed since I have gotten older, this is because I have grown and changed and also has a lot to do with me watching my friends and their marriages. I am blessed to have some really good examples around me. So, without further ado . . . . .

Absolutely Must Have

• Strong Christian – Attends church, spiritual leader, holds me accountable, has a good reputation, worships outwardly, servant, prays with me and involved in ministry.
• Stability – has a good career that he loves and is passionate about without sacrificing too much in his personal life. Financially stable. Hard worker. Has prepared for the future financially. Emotionally stable.
• Sense of Humor – Sarcastic but fun-loving, likes things like The Office, Steven Colbert. He makes me laugh and vice versa.
• Chemistry – I want us to have chemistry with each other and really love being together. Gives me butterflies and makes me feel crazy happy. Respectful of physical boundaries.
• Physical Attributes – Must be at least taller than me and weigh more than I do. I would like him to have good personal hygiene and dress well. Smells good.
• Adventurous – Enjoys new experiences and traveling to new places. Has already traveled to many places and has a passport. Likes to have fun. Thinks of ways to keep our relationship fresh and our marriage exciting. Willing to take our entire family on mission trips together.
• Strong Family Values – Has good relationship with his own family and will make a good father. Sees himself as an equal in raising our children. Able to take care of our family on his own if needed. Must want to have at least 2 children and will also consider adopting from a foreign country.
• Intelligent – Has at least a Bachelor’s degree and is just smart overall. Keeps up on current events.
• Supportive – Finds my dreams and the dreams of our family just as important as his own. Cultivates positive characteristics in those around him. Supportive of me in my career choices and my ambition. Has an overall optimistic outlook on life. Never puts me down in front of others.
• Independent – I still want him to have his own sense of self and parts of his life that are outside of our life together. He needs a good support system of strong Christian men. He supports me in the exact same thing.
• Honest, trustworthy
• Sociable – Enjoys meeting new people and can handle himself appropriately in new situations. Make other people feel at ease. Not socially retarded or awkward. People like being around him. My friends like him.
• Hospitable – I want people to always feel comfortable around us and in our home. People know they are always welcome if they need a place to stay or hang out. Our home is a place where people know they can hang out, have parties, and drop by at anytime.
• Even temperament – Not prone to anger or to fly off the handle. He still should be passionate about the things he cares about though.
• Traditional - Completes what I see are “man jobs” including getting gas, taking complete responsibility for car maintenance/washing, taking trash out, knows how to fix things/install things/put things together, and completing yard work. In return I will take responsibility for things like laundry, most cleaning and cooking. I am open to having a housekeeper/gardener to complete many of these things. =)
• Good communicator-Able to express his emotions. Words and feelings match actions.

Would Be Nice

• Glasses –I realize he may not have these now but may at some point as we age.
• Musician – They are just sexy. I don’t know why.
• Athletic – At least enough that he can coach kids teams. There is also just something mannish about a man that likes football, golf, basketball, hockey, etc.
• He doesn’t have to love Disneyland, Disney World and other theme parks but at least tolerate visiting them often or letting me visit them with my friends or our children.
• Master’s Degree
• Family that is local to Southern California
• Good taste in music – Notice I didn’t say similar taste in music.
• Spontaneous – Says random things and does random things.
• Clean – Picks up after self.
• Married parents
• Homeowner
• Has job where he does not have to work nights and weekends frequently.
• Enjoys reading and discussing books.

Bloggin' on the One

Ok, I am jumping on the bandwagon and starting a blog too because I really enjoy reading others and think it would be fun. My first blog topic will be posted soon.